Its winter here...

I have decided to make some Chili and cornbread... it struck my fancy. I may not be Betty Crocker herself but as my crocpot of chili is simmering my house is filled with the LOVELY smell of the stewing meat and beans. I can hardly resist opening the lid, although good crocpot chefs know that you must refrain. And while my cornbread isn't exactly homemade I know it will be delicious, as long as I listen to my timer, which has a bad habit of stopping at 6 minutes causing my food to be burnt!

I had a million things in my head that I was going to sit here and write but they have all gone. Distractions have pulled them from my skull, my thoughts are still floating around in the air somewhere I'm sure but I have a hard time grasping them.

I think I need a mind strainer something that only lets a certain amount of thoughts in or out of my head at any given time. When 10 trillion thoughts all bombard my head at the same moment it is quite overwhelming.

So for now I will stick to cooking, I have 2 minutes left on my chili timer and ... let me check the other timer... and 4, yes 4 minutes left on my cornbread.  It smells divine.

Cornbread always reminds me of my Grandpa. My mom's dad was filled with delightful stories and I have very fond memories of times spent with him. At this moment only one memory sticks out. Whenever we would go to Hometown Buffet- a favorite of his, the best part was DESSERT! I would get more Ice Cream than I could possibly handle and he would say, "your eyes are bigger than your stomach" or "You have to eat all you take" or something along those lines, but for him nothing could beat Peach Cobbler, and if they were out of that, nothing could beat a glass of whole milk with a piece of cornbread stuffed inside.  This fine delicacy turns into an almost puddin' texture and must be eaten witha spoon. It always grossed me out, maybe tonight I'll try it myself, but with 1% milk, not whole :)  (The picture is of my mom and my Grandpa several years ago, actually it may have been before my birth!)

I've reached a crisis, I told you all I was baking cornbread, I failed to mention that I have 3 baking pans in my house, a cookie sheet and some thing that resembles a cake pan but only 1/2 sized recipes will fit and a glass casserole pan, great for making scalloped potatoes. I chose the glass casserole pan and while my cornbread now has a beautiful crust on it, it is raw inside... I put it in for another few minutes, hopefully it will work, the timer has gone off again. time to check. Oh good, it is totally ok, my overn apparently just takes a bit longer!

Its chow time... Yummmm My chili has the aroma of a good Wendy's chili (I live Wendy's Chili), I feel Taco salad coming on tomorrow night.

So as you're reading this I am most likely eating, or digesting depending on how late you read this lol.

I am also in the process of finding a new catch phrase signature thing lol, any suggestions can be left in the comment are...

Until then

Sometimes

I have feelings that come up and shock me... like gut wrenching emotions that pop out of nowhere...

Like on the phone this afternoon I was talking with Miss Kory and all the sudden this bitter, like VERY BITTER words start coming out of my mouth. I have no idea where those feelings had been buried and what rock i had overturned and let them out but there they were.. I think I even shocked Kor with them... it was strange.

And then this evening I was talking to another friend and the topic of death came up and I suddenly, well like 2 minutes into the conversation, found myself sobbing, not just crying but sobbing about my Grandpa who has been dead for 11 years. I think that I have dealt with these things but apparently I haven't.

Emotion like that has a tendency to scare the shit out of me. I have ALWAYS prided myself on being this strong, independent, rock stable person, and to fee weak or vulnerable is a very uncomfortable area for me. I also have a hard time letting my emotions show, I remember making an excuse for crying during Titanic at a slumber party.

I think in life this could be my biggest obstacle, or at least one of them. Opening up scares me. So what happens if I find the one, now or in the future. What if I can't open up because I'm too afraid of getting hurt. I've been hurt in the past. But maybe that has left me scarred and less wiling to open up. Now I'm rambling...

But then when the time comes and I find someone who climbs over my wall or hell, breaks it down. I hope they will accept me for vulnerable and weak, but still strong and independent. Thats all I'm asking for.

Although it seams like a lot....


For now,

Long time... no post

Hey everyone,

sorry for the hiatus things have been a little NUTS!!! And not always the good kind like tasty Cashews... ok this is already turning into a random compilation of scattered thoughts... I need to harness them, and quickly...

First we can have some music so that you can listen to it as you continue to read. My recent favs have included:

Smile by Uncle Kracker


This song just makes me happy lol :-D

hmmmm... Uh-Oh lost my train of thought... ummmmmm...OH.. well I could talk about the weather but that is slightly boring-ish but until I find something better here it is...

The weather has been COLD... like BRRR and COOOOLD I have turned into a permanent Saracicle i.e. FROZEN SOLID!!!

It snowed this morning... yes in Modesto it snowed, normally Mo-town (or as my friends refer to it Moo-town) is associated with being SCORCHING HOT!! but not as of recently... today the high was 39. That's a wee-bit too cold for my taste. Except for the fact that I got to put on my pea-coat and new sweater and scarf and gloves and Uggs and trudge into the coldness. That was kinda fun. I love that pea-coat.

hmmm OH it came back

Today was a really good day... do you ever have those days where the stars seam to align and Mercury is not in retrograde (lol, I don't follow horoscopes at all but thats what people always say). Well today was one of those days. Lots of really nice little things happened like- Getting a Venti at Starbucks (Eggnog Latte, of course) when I only ordered a Grande. And there was no line at the grocery store. I also stumbled across what looks to be a WONDERFUL Chili recipe which I am making tomorrow. YUMMM Chili and cornbread... yes I am a southern-ish girl. I also had a great conversation with one of my BFF's. I also am continuing great conversations with a new person who is turning out to be a breath of fresh air, someone with many layers and I am very much enjoying our conversations. Although the one we are having now isn't super happy but it's making me think. Which is great.

Oh so a few weekends ago I went and visited Eva and Derek (YAY!) and Eva and I decided to go to Toad Hallow in Davis... now for the great pictures! So a little history on Toad Hallow quoted from Weird California (awesome book if your into random things around the state). So basically, the former mayor of Davis, yes like UC Davis-GoAggies!, decided that the toads of Davis needed a safe place to cross the road and rest their tired little toad heads- thus Toad Hallow. A whopping $30,000 was spent building these little houses. and a small toad outhouse. Now the houses have been brought up to speed with the Green Movement and have solar panels, not real ones, but still... If you would like to visit Toad Hallow it is next to the Post Office in Davis. A little tricky to find but if you drive though the post office you will see it upon your exit...