Here's that feeling again... rearing it's ugly head and ruining my so-far almost perfect month. I knew I shouldn't do it I knew I should have just closed my eyes and went to sleep... but I didn't I followed up on some people like Rachel Teagle adn Aaron and Elise and there it was... hiding in a gingerbread video at http://teagblog.blogspot.com/
HOMESICKNESS
How I long for the happy times that were shown in the video and now I know how it feels to watch your babies grow up. There was Aly, so young... I think they had just moved here and little Ineke. She has grown up so much adn I've watched her do so many things that I knew she could do,
I miss the innocence of it all as well... for a brief moment nothing is wrong, all is well... then I look at my bank account or get the feeling i'm failing and that I'm never going to make it... I miss my friends. My family. I feel quite lonely here...
I've never been the outsider, except in those stupid games that Fe used to make up play at Leadership Overnight. But when you're at a party at your own house and you feel completely alone... that's an outsider... Or when you see pople at school who look familiar adn so you smile and wave adn say HEY! and they keep walking.. to involved in their conversation to care...
So what do I do... last time I gave up. I moved home. Not just because I was homesick but bcause I wasn't going down the right path. I really didn't want to be a nurse and I know that now. So what should do... I know I'm not giving up... I know I need to keep pushing forward... but how...
I guess I'll take the little steps... like going to an AG department Volleyball game, when I would usually go home or maybe staying after lab for the Ag Ambassador meeting even though I REALLY want ot go eat dinner and shower... I can do that.. cant I.
I knwo it sounds like a lot of bitching but, well I guess it is a lot of bitching... but OH well!
I miss everyone... Love you all and hope to see you soon... COME VISIT ME!!!
2 comments:
Moving away is hard. Really hard. Theres a lot of excitement in moving -- planning, packing, unpacking, setting up.... but then the initial excitement is over and you just have to get into living in a new place.
I have lived in 6 states. I usually moved to places where I knew just 1 person and needed to make it a home quick. You may be surprised to find out that it is a lot like going to camp for the first time.
1. don't hang out alone in your tent. Homesickness gets worse when you have time to think about it. All you will accomplish by going home early is to have lots of time to eat alone, watch TV alone and miss those who people who used to make those things fun.
2. introduce yourself to the person next you. it is much easier when a kind and wonderful adult director takes you around to the nice group of kids and introduces you, but you can do this on your own. Seek out people who are doing something -- taking a class with you, hanging around the buildings where you have classes, hanging around the local starbucks where you get your coffee, visiting a farmers market.... say hi, my name is Sarah. and go from there.
3. do something you like to do. like to go dancing at country bars? find one. like to paint pottery? find a spot. go to church, go play video games, go to a Charlie Chaplin film festival... whatever you like to do, there is probably a similar venue there that you have not explored yet. go check it out. You might meet some people who are nice.
4. try something new! never shot an air rifle? head to shooting sports. never taken latin jazz? sign up! want to learn Korean? find a group. school probably has a "rec" department or you can try a community center. When I started college our Rec Dept offered various sprots (not really my thing) and other classes like Shitsu Massage (totally my thing!) I met some people. Sometimes after class we went for coffee... you get the idea.
5. there's always work to do in the kitchen. although it might seem strange, having a job can be a lifesaver. in addition to the income, you have a place to be that is not your house (see number 1). you might make friends, you might just kill time -- it doesn't really matter as long as you are busy.
6. Stay busy. Boredom is very dangerous. volunteer somewhere if you don't have a job -- 4H is an obvious one, but other organizations and schools would appreciate you as well. again -- this make you feel like a part of a community and give you a network of people to hang out with, talk to and who are happy to see you arrive.
Much like camp, there are a lot of options and things you can try... some require a short hike to get there, but you will probably be happy you went.
take care sweetie!!
Jen
I know the lonelyness. Just focus on the added benefit of having some place completely new and exciting to explore. And after this weekend you can bet that I will be showing up on your doorstep and staying allll weekend long! I want to see where the hookers work!! I looooovvvvvvveeeeee yooooooooouuuuuu <3!!
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