Blogs from yester-year... just so they're all in the same place lol- Don't feel any obligation to read these

November 24, 2008 - Monday  AWW Crap... Current mood:  strong Category: Life I'm still here... I'm still waiting for something better to come along I guess... not really moving forward but not sliding backwards either. I guess I'm stuck... I don't know where to turn... I have a plan... the problem will be execution of it and convincing mom that this is what I need... Maybe its convincing me this is what I need... I need to move on. I need a change... I realized this evening as I was laying in bed... that I AM ready for change and ready to grow up. I've always thought of myself as this amazingly strong and confident person but I really truly think I've been hiding... I don't know. So the plan: - Save every penny I can between now and August of 2009. -Rent an apartment in Modesto -Attend MJC (Modesto Junior College) -Work locally like Olive Garden or Something along those lines. -Finish my AS -Go to Fresno I really think that this is where my path is leading. I feel like I know I want to study Ag but how do I know if I am not taking any AG classes. I thought I wanted to study Nursing until I got to Sonoma and didn't like it. I really am thinking this is a good idea... please feel free to tell me if I'm crazy. I think that I will tell my mom around the first of the year. I'll try and map out all the details over the Holidays... I need opinions and people's views I know I dont know it all and need some help! I love y'all and hope to see you guys ASAP!!! Currently listening: NOW That's What I Call Music 29 By Various Artists Release date: 2008-11-11 4:49 AM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remov February 14, 2008 - Thursday  Valentines Day Current mood:  disappointed Category: Romance and Relationships Valentines Day... It's suopposed to  be happy and joyful and filled with love... but when the person who you love isn't here.. its hard as fuck... I want him here to hold onto and to be lovey dovey with... I know I come off as a big V-Day Cynic but I truly would love to be told I love you by someone who's not my Mom or my BFF's... I dunno... Well to all you couples... Happy Valentines day... Hope its Romantic and Full of love... As for ME, Here's to Girls night in... at least I'm not a loner... my BFF's have Long Distance Relationships... YAY ROMANTIC COMEDY NIGHT!! Currently listening: Love Like This [Vinyl] By Natasha Bedingfield Release date: 25 September, 2007 12:31 PM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove October 2, 2006 - Monday  New Blog Current mood:  tired Go Check Out my new cooler blog... It's kick ass http://sarahashleeslife.blogspot.com/ 2:29 AM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove September 27, 2006 - Wednesday  Uhhhh I Don't know... I guess I don't have all the answers Category: Life Maybe...God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift. Maybe...when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us. Maybe...it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives. Maybe...the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Maybe...you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of and want to do. Maybe...there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. Maybe...the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had. Maybe...you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too. Maybe...you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone. Maybe...giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours. Maybe...you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile. Maybe...you could send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life either positively or not, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them. So after that this is going tobe a kinda hypothetical thing... me just getting things off my chest... here it goess.... -How do you tell the person that you wanna spend the rest of your life with that they are the one - How do you let you mom know that maybe you aren't ready for college and you wanna come home to a nice home cooked meatloaf and for her to hug you while you fall asleep at night like she did when you were little -How do you stop the tears from falling when you don't want them to - How do you explain to people that you're not as happy as the facade you've put on for 18 years -How come eventhough I want to fly I feel so grounded -Why isn't the summer after senior year the same as it is on tv -How do you say sorry to someone who hates you... -I know you can't take back all the mean things I've said in 18 years but I so badly want to.. -If only Sonoma was 15 minutes from home -How do you admit that you are wrong when you've based your whole life on being right... -How can you want something so much but it just seems so out of reach... -I'm Ready to Defy Gravity but I've been grounded -I don't think I've ever told so many people but I love them... so many people have had an impact on my life and I've let them slip through my fingers -................... I'm not sure where this road is going but I think I need to stay on it as long as I can even though I feel that I may miss out on so many things... How ca I live life regretting and saying "what if" life is lived by the moments that take your breath away not the number of times you breath.... I love you all.. missing you greatly.... Your's Truly Currently listening: Wicked (2003 Original Broadway Cast) By Kristin Chenoweth Release date: 16 December, 2003 12:26 AM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove July 12, 2006 - Wednesday  Parents So as the day that I mmove outta the house rapidly approaches I feel that my mom is tightening down on me even more. I've realized a few things about being a kid... and then growing up... I've learned that its hard for parents to watch their baby(s) grow up into adults and watch them walk out the front door. It takes a really strong parent to keep it together for your child. I've also learned that its ok to be confused and not know EVERYTHING. if you knew it all already you wouldn't need school and life would be boring... plus everyone would be Ken Jennings and Kick ASS at Jeopardy... Life isn't meant to be easy... It has challenges and ups and downs... You loose friends you make friends and you get your old friends back.... there isn't anyway around it... In closing... now hat I am crying...again... I seem to do that a lot these days... but thats ok.. In closing... ok now i sound like im writing a paper... lets try again so now that i have to leave I am ready... ready for what life is about to chuck in my face and throw at me... I know I'm gunna be scared... I know I am going to want my mommy and my best friends... but I also know that my mom has raised me right and that I am a strong person... I know I will find the right path for me and that I will succeed in whatever I do In these past 18 years I have learned the most precious things in life are my friends.... they will always love me for who I am not who they want me to be... these people have become my brothers and sisters and I love them with all my heart... oyu know who you are... 5:19 PM  3 Comments (Add Comment) | 2 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove July 3, 2006 - Monday  ok just one more--lyrics this time Current mood:  blank Category: Music I've heard it said That people come into our lives for a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led To those who help us most to grow If we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe thats true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you: Like a comit pulled from orbit As it passes a sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good It well may be That we will never mmet again In this lifetime Se let me say before we part So much of me Is made of what I learned from you You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine By being my friend: Like a ship blown from its mooring By a wind off the sea Like a seed dropped by a skybird In a distant wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better But because I knew you: Because I knew you: I have been changed for good And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness For the things I've done you blame me for But then, I guess we know There's blame to share But none of it seems to matter anymore Like a comet pulled from orbit Like a ship blown off it's mooring As it Passes the sun, By the wind off the sea, Like a stream that meets a boulder, Like a seed dropped by a skybird, Half-way through the wood By a birds in the wood Who can say if I've been changed for the better I do believe I have been changed for the better And because I knew you Because I knew you Because I knew you I have been changed for good. Currently listening: Wicked (Karaoke) By Stephen Schwartz Release date: 01 August, 2004 7:57 PM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove July 3, 2006 - Monday  can you tell im in a poetry mood... I love the poem the road not taken by Robert Frost. Read it... you'll see why Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; Then took the other, just as fair And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same, And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. 7:57 PM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove July 3, 2006 - Monday  poem Current mood:  listless Category: Life oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies, Do not you hear my heartfelt cries? Below the Branches, here about, Do you sense my fear and doubt? Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams, Do not you hear my woeful screams? Upon the meadow, touched with dew, Do not you see my hearts a'skew? Beneath the thousand twinkling stars, So not you feel my jagged scars? Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze, For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees. It's buries 'neath the meadow fair, Conjoined with all the sorrow there. It's lost among the stars this night, Too far to ease my quiet fright. No gentle winds, seek not my heart, For simply... it has torn apart. 7:39 PM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove June 29, 2006 - Thursday  no comment Current mood:  blank Category: Life So life.... Throws you curve balls. I just got a big one thrown... feel like I just need to let it out. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok feel better... a little... its hard to feel better when I feel like this.... I feel broken, battered and worn out.  I feel like I need a change. Only a few pwople are going to understand this but thats ok. Ijust feel weird. Its like building up tho this moment then with little words its crushed. I have been si cklose but yet not there at all.  11:35 AM  0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate  Edit  Remove June 16, 2006 - Friday  An afterview of High School Current mood:  contemplative Category: Life So Here is my afterthought... things that I wish I would have done but didn't.This is going to be really sappy and kinda boring but i need to tell someone so it might as well be all of myspace. This is also kinda going to be an anti-drama cant-we-all-just-be-friends thing. Forgive me ! So this is how I see things: High School is supposed to be this glorious thing. It wasn't. It has its highs and lows. You make a ton of "friends" but now I really don't mind if I see half of them ever again. Friends is used to describe anyperson that you have ever said hello to in oyur entire high school life. Oh there's Johnny... I'm friends with him because his cousin sat three seats diagonally behind me in french and threw a paper airplane at me while I was sleeping. That doe not constitute a friend. Friends go deeper than that. A friend, in my opinion is someone who no matter what is there. You could be puking in a toilet...or crying in your car...or on a sea-saw when your afraid to be "bounced" These are the people that are in "love" with you for who you are inside... not because you wear babyphat or apple bottom jeans and not beacuse you drive a lexus. Friends are like a house though. It ttakes everything working together to make it a home. Relationships... wether sexual, long-term, long-distance, or family and friend relationships all take work. Its a two way reciprocal street. Being a friend isn't talking to one person and then telling everyone else what is going on with that person's entire life. A sin I am MOST DEFINATLY guilty of. Here is the wrap up... this wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be but I though it was inportant to me to at least get this much off ym tchest. I am sorry to those I have hurt... wether it be intentionally or not. Now that I have graduated I know that all the petty little things don't matter. Being a true friend and being yourself is what realy matters. So with this I end. On my way to go meet up with friends and wondering... what will happen now. I am done with High School and am college bound.  Here we go its going to be one hell of a ride!