Its winter here...

I have decided to make some Chili and cornbread... it struck my fancy. I may not be Betty Crocker herself but as my crocpot of chili is simmering my house is filled with the LOVELY smell of the stewing meat and beans. I can hardly resist opening the lid, although good crocpot chefs know that you must refrain. And while my cornbread isn't exactly homemade I know it will be delicious, as long as I listen to my timer, which has a bad habit of stopping at 6 minutes causing my food to be burnt!

I had a million things in my head that I was going to sit here and write but they have all gone. Distractions have pulled them from my skull, my thoughts are still floating around in the air somewhere I'm sure but I have a hard time grasping them.

I think I need a mind strainer something that only lets a certain amount of thoughts in or out of my head at any given time. When 10 trillion thoughts all bombard my head at the same moment it is quite overwhelming.

So for now I will stick to cooking, I have 2 minutes left on my chili timer and ... let me check the other timer... and 4, yes 4 minutes left on my cornbread.  It smells divine.

Cornbread always reminds me of my Grandpa. My mom's dad was filled with delightful stories and I have very fond memories of times spent with him. At this moment only one memory sticks out. Whenever we would go to Hometown Buffet- a favorite of his, the best part was DESSERT! I would get more Ice Cream than I could possibly handle and he would say, "your eyes are bigger than your stomach" or "You have to eat all you take" or something along those lines, but for him nothing could beat Peach Cobbler, and if they were out of that, nothing could beat a glass of whole milk with a piece of cornbread stuffed inside.  This fine delicacy turns into an almost puddin' texture and must be eaten witha spoon. It always grossed me out, maybe tonight I'll try it myself, but with 1% milk, not whole :)  (The picture is of my mom and my Grandpa several years ago, actually it may have been before my birth!)

I've reached a crisis, I told you all I was baking cornbread, I failed to mention that I have 3 baking pans in my house, a cookie sheet and some thing that resembles a cake pan but only 1/2 sized recipes will fit and a glass casserole pan, great for making scalloped potatoes. I chose the glass casserole pan and while my cornbread now has a beautiful crust on it, it is raw inside... I put it in for another few minutes, hopefully it will work, the timer has gone off again. time to check. Oh good, it is totally ok, my overn apparently just takes a bit longer!

Its chow time... Yummmm My chili has the aroma of a good Wendy's chili (I live Wendy's Chili), I feel Taco salad coming on tomorrow night.

So as you're reading this I am most likely eating, or digesting depending on how late you read this lol.

I am also in the process of finding a new catch phrase signature thing lol, any suggestions can be left in the comment are...

Until then

Sometimes

I have feelings that come up and shock me... like gut wrenching emotions that pop out of nowhere...

Like on the phone this afternoon I was talking with Miss Kory and all the sudden this bitter, like VERY BITTER words start coming out of my mouth. I have no idea where those feelings had been buried and what rock i had overturned and let them out but there they were.. I think I even shocked Kor with them... it was strange.

And then this evening I was talking to another friend and the topic of death came up and I suddenly, well like 2 minutes into the conversation, found myself sobbing, not just crying but sobbing about my Grandpa who has been dead for 11 years. I think that I have dealt with these things but apparently I haven't.

Emotion like that has a tendency to scare the shit out of me. I have ALWAYS prided myself on being this strong, independent, rock stable person, and to fee weak or vulnerable is a very uncomfortable area for me. I also have a hard time letting my emotions show, I remember making an excuse for crying during Titanic at a slumber party.

I think in life this could be my biggest obstacle, or at least one of them. Opening up scares me. So what happens if I find the one, now or in the future. What if I can't open up because I'm too afraid of getting hurt. I've been hurt in the past. But maybe that has left me scarred and less wiling to open up. Now I'm rambling...

But then when the time comes and I find someone who climbs over my wall or hell, breaks it down. I hope they will accept me for vulnerable and weak, but still strong and independent. Thats all I'm asking for.

Although it seams like a lot....


For now,

Long time... no post

Hey everyone,

sorry for the hiatus things have been a little NUTS!!! And not always the good kind like tasty Cashews... ok this is already turning into a random compilation of scattered thoughts... I need to harness them, and quickly...

First we can have some music so that you can listen to it as you continue to read. My recent favs have included:

Smile by Uncle Kracker


This song just makes me happy lol :-D

hmmmm... Uh-Oh lost my train of thought... ummmmmm...OH.. well I could talk about the weather but that is slightly boring-ish but until I find something better here it is...

The weather has been COLD... like BRRR and COOOOLD I have turned into a permanent Saracicle i.e. FROZEN SOLID!!!

It snowed this morning... yes in Modesto it snowed, normally Mo-town (or as my friends refer to it Moo-town) is associated with being SCORCHING HOT!! but not as of recently... today the high was 39. That's a wee-bit too cold for my taste. Except for the fact that I got to put on my pea-coat and new sweater and scarf and gloves and Uggs and trudge into the coldness. That was kinda fun. I love that pea-coat.

hmmm OH it came back

Today was a really good day... do you ever have those days where the stars seam to align and Mercury is not in retrograde (lol, I don't follow horoscopes at all but thats what people always say). Well today was one of those days. Lots of really nice little things happened like- Getting a Venti at Starbucks (Eggnog Latte, of course) when I only ordered a Grande. And there was no line at the grocery store. I also stumbled across what looks to be a WONDERFUL Chili recipe which I am making tomorrow. YUMMM Chili and cornbread... yes I am a southern-ish girl. I also had a great conversation with one of my BFF's. I also am continuing great conversations with a new person who is turning out to be a breath of fresh air, someone with many layers and I am very much enjoying our conversations. Although the one we are having now isn't super happy but it's making me think. Which is great.

Oh so a few weekends ago I went and visited Eva and Derek (YAY!) and Eva and I decided to go to Toad Hallow in Davis... now for the great pictures! So a little history on Toad Hallow quoted from Weird California (awesome book if your into random things around the state). So basically, the former mayor of Davis, yes like UC Davis-GoAggies!, decided that the toads of Davis needed a safe place to cross the road and rest their tired little toad heads- thus Toad Hallow. A whopping $30,000 was spent building these little houses. and a small toad outhouse. Now the houses have been brought up to speed with the Green Movement and have solar panels, not real ones, but still... If you would like to visit Toad Hallow it is next to the Post Office in Davis. A little tricky to find but if you drive though the post office you will see it upon your exit...

iTunes

some mornings, like this one, where I have nothing to do I put itunes on shuffle and let it play. I pick the first song and let it ride... some days its all the crappy music I don't want to hear but other days its amazing! its all the right songs at the right songs, the perfect mix of older "memory lane" songs and new fun songs, slow songs, fast songs, country and pop. AHHH BLISS

TODAY WAS A GOOD iTUNES DAY! So i'm gunna let it ride some more... and listen to the healing music and hopefully feel better.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Today is my Nana's 87th Birthday. My grandma is one of the most special people to me. She helped to raise me and I have lived with her since I was 5. She read to me as I ate my breakfast, put my hair in the perfect ponytail, drove me to school and picked me up all through elementary school. In afternoons we would go for picnics in Central park on our Goose Table Cloth on "the island" and we would go leaf crunching in the fall on our walk to "my" park (which all the cousins called their park, but I'm the baby so it officially belongs to me!)

My grandma has raised 4 children, one who is severly handicapped, has taught sunday school forever,  is a widow, a Great Depression and WWII Survivor. She worked and put dinner on the table daily, followed her husband of 50 years all over the world, and got to live in cool places like Japan, Texas and Hawaii. She also has supported all of us through thick and thin, and rolls with the punches (like me bringing home a puppy!) Everyone loves her, people wish she was their Grand-ma but she's mine!! :)

To me she is a great source of inspiration and perseverance. On Mother's Day 10 years ago my grandma almost lost her life. She was involved in a car accident in West Virginia and was hit directly on her side of the vehicle. She suffered massive injuries and we all thought this was the end. Almost the whole family rushed out there to be by her side and say good-bye because we were told that she may not live through the night. But Grandma pulled through. She re-learned how to walk and use her arm. She fought through shitty, abusive nurses and new meds.

Nearly 8 years later my grandma fell and broke her hip. I was the only one home. I remember hearing her yell for help and thanking God that I was there for her. After undergoing surgery she learned how to walk...again. She came through that like a champ (once the stupid Doctors fixed her meds and stopped ODing her on seizure meds.)

Today my grandma is as healthy as you can expect for a normal 87 year old woman who grew up in the time when cigarettes were cool and Vodka Martinis were a daily indulgence.

I think one of the best things about my Grandma is her unconditional love... no matter how badly you screwed up she will give you a hug and a kiss, tell you it will be ok and help you pick yourself off the ground.

So here's to you grandma, I raise my oversized coffee cup to you, I know you won't live another 87 years but I know you have a few more in you! I love you more than words can say. I'll never be able to express my gratitude towards you. When I grow up I hope I can be the same kind of pillar of strength for my family that you have been for ours. It would be an honor to be anywhere close to you!  We all love you.  I'll see you this weekend!

Murder by Thorasic

No this isn't a post about Jurassic Park (sadly) although I should watch it and blog about the awesomeness of Jurassic Park... becasue it is awesome... I digress

I am being murdered... NOT EXAGGERATING!!! (LOL)

My back is killing my and quite slowly I may add... for like 2 weeks now I have been having HORRIBLE back pain.. I've tried stretching, walking, icing, more icing, heat and icing every 20 minutes, laying on the floor and crying, laying on my bed and crying, sitting on the couch and crying... it got so bad today that I couldn't sit in those horrible desks at school and had to excuse myself from class...

I am considering breaking down and taking a vicodin (ooh haven't blogged that story either... I will get to it sometime today) just for some relief but I'm holding out... If I can make it 48 more hours I can go see my wonderful chiropractor... it may be time for a full hour long work up not the normal crack and go...

Ok time to switch positions as I have been doing every few minutes once the pain becomes close to intolerable....

This sucks...

Festivals....

That I plan to attend

-Stockton Asparagus Festival- April
- Gilroy Garlic Festival- July
- Oktober Fest- October
- Morgan Hill Mushroom Mardi Gras
- Artichoke Festival in Castroville
- Woody's on the Warf
- San Jose Races
- Hot August Nights in Reno
- Hot Air Balloon Festival in Ripon


That's just my preliminary List... and not counting my goal to go to al least 10 CA fairs not counting State Fair...

Sounds like fun!

YAY!!

Kids

Ok I broached on the subject that I know many of you know I care a lot about....

Kids... Children... Off-spring.. whatever you want to call em I Love em and know I am GOING to have kids...

Now there are somethings I need to lay out before you think I want to become the next crazy mom - like the pictures shown... that isn't my plan.... But I do want a larger family by todays standards... I would love to have upwards of 5 kids... I know shocking! Ok so I will touch quickly on my problems with the three families pictured below...

1. The Duggars... I think their premise is ok but the execution and the false things they have spewed are disheartening... Taking Birth Control is responsible not a reason for miscarriage.  I also don't have a problem with the amount but their kids are not exposed enough, in  my opinion, to the real world and they slightly resemble their own occult.

2/ Jon and Kate Gosslin- I LOVE their story... they successfully had a family that they so wanted. That I don't have a problem with... I just think their dad is an ass hole and Kate is too controlling... So I guess they are an image of what I hope doesn't happen to my relationship... It is sad and I feel really really bad for the kids...

3. octoMom! She just pisses me off... 8 kids in one pregnancy and all the other things that everybody knows about her... ugh... NO THANKS!! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER BECOME HER!! She's Psycho!!

There are a few reasons for this... I think that being an only child has encouraged me to want a larger family... I know people who are only children who don't want kids at all... but I don't think my life will be complete without kids...

I have always loved children... I remember holding little Rachel when she was a baby and it was sooo cool!! I also remember my first babysitting job and loving watching little Sarah (my nextdoor neighbor's kid) sleep...

I also have some fears when having kids... I am pretty sure I will not be a failure because I had a great example in my mom.

She raised me without a second parent. Yes she had WONDERFUL help from people like my Grand Parents and Aunts and Family but a lot of it you have to do alone.

My mom raised me to be a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who can stand on her own two feet most of  the time and can pick herself up when I get knocked down.

I don't know if its just my baby internal instinct or if all women do this but I find myself looking at other women who have kids and thinking to myself what I would do differently if that were my kid... I do it at work as well...
Some things I have noted are-
-my baby needs a hat in the wintertime (thanks mom)
-babies need to be socialized... having them stay at home with mom ALL day EVERY day makes them a pain in the ass for care takers... like us poor girls at MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers)

There are more but my brian has ceased to function... so...

While I am not ready for the pitter Patter of little feet yet when that day comes I know I'll be ok... I will hopefully have the love of an amazing man who will support me in raising a child, or 5 or 6. I will also have my mom there.. guaranteed! She is my rock and I hope I can be as good of a mom as she was!

Request from Elise!!

Ok so Elise begged for a post so I am posting.. I had to think about what to blog about since nothing is jumping out at me! HAHA...

So then I decided... I am going to my blog about my new toy...

MY SNUGGIE!!!!

I am currently sitting on my couch wearing my sunggie! Seee!!!
Soo comfy...

I opted for the fashionable NEW leopard print versus the blue or HOT PINK...

I'm not gunna lie it is actually quite comfy and long enough for my  6ft frame... ok the suggie commercial just came on and I will tell you places that my snuggie will NOT be worn...

• The Mall
• The Movies
• ANY sporting Event
• Camping
• In my car
• Anywhere other than my couch... 

Ok so I am also doing two other things presently... Listening to the INTENSE wind outside and watching the little couple... its soo cute... and I'm sure they'll get tired of hearing that but they are an inspiring couple and their marathon is on TLC... ooooh and KATE from Jon and Kate plus 8 is doing a 1 on 1 interview monday... I WILL be tuning in...

OK so I also have two new addictions on FB games... FARMVILLE!!! and CAFE WORLD!!! I am truly addicted and have learned that I should not be allowed to play any online game like WOW... it would be detrimental to my health... and my social life... haha...

ummm ok I need suggestions on what to write about next... hmmmm ohhh I have decided on my Halloween Costume... but it will be a secret and if I have told you it needs to remain a secret... OK!! But it is a very Sarah costume... hahaha everyone will laugh...

Ok this is it for me for now... leave me comments on topics you want me to write about

Thats all for me for now!!

Listen and Look...

Here is a few things I have been listening too and watching in the recent of days!






And The Simpson's "Apocolypse Cow" Episode Which I can't find now... LAME!!!

Cuz I know you all want to know...

I am super super super excited because I have a vocab midterm tomorrow!! YAY!! So to help me study you all are going to learn some vocabulary ready?

ok so I am going to give you a list of words and a list of definitions... you have to match them... some will be easy some will be harder... I will probably do 3 or 4 posts of lists and they will increase in difficulty! so get out your scratch paper...

1. Cow Hocked                  a. A term used in reference to a loss of
2. Omnivore                            appetite in animals
3. Off Feed                        b. A cow in calf; due to calve soon
4. Evisceration                   c. The First milk produced by a female-
5. Mouthing                            thicker and yellow in color.
6. Cow                                    Contains high levels of antibodies,
7. Elastration                           protein and energy.
8. Artificial Insemination   d. The removal of the internal organs
9. Scurs                                  during the slaughtering process.
10. Scours                          e. A Mature female bovine, usually
11. Abattoir                            two years or older.
12. Springer                       f. A condition in which the hocks
13. Ear Tag                            are close together but the feet
14. Abortion                          stand apart
15. Colostrum                    g. Related animals of the same
16. Anestrous                        generation.
17. Sibling                         h. Premature expulsion of the fetus.
18. Herbivore                     i. The method of castrating young
                                              male animals by choking off
                                              circulation to the testicles by means
                                              of a heavy ring put in place with
                                               a special tool.
                                            j. Animals that eat plant
                                               origin foods only.
                                            k. The process of inspecting an animals
                                                 teeth (usually sheep and horses) to
                                                 determine the age
                                            l. Period of time when the female is    
                                               not in estrus; the non-
                                               breeding season.
                                           m. Animals that eat both animal and
                                                 plant origin feeds.
                                           n. A metal or plastic tag fastened to the                            
                                               ear of an animal for the purpose of
                                                identification

Answers will be posted in a comment... Good Luck... and look for quiz 2!

Adventures in Food

So tonight I decided to be extravagent and eat some STEAK!!! The Reddest of all red meats and not only was it steak it was Filet Minogion YAY!!! 


So as I was cooking steak I was talking on the phone to Leesie we were discussing the soon t be released epic video whiich will be posted here and we got on the discussion of food.

She asked what I was having for dinner and I said Steak... just Steak.. no toppings.. no sides... just steak... lol

So then I started rattling off random things in my cubbords- Top Ramen, Hannah Montana Cereal, Honey Nut Cheerios, Double Stufft Oreo's and so on and so forth...

So this gourmet meal was concocted and this is what I achieved...

A fuzzy Navel, Lovely Tacky Candles, Hannah Montana Cereal in a martini glass, Double Stuft Oreos, A lovely steak and a shot glass of ketchup.

YUMMM

And as I went to take the picture...my phone died... FML!! so I had to wait until my phone re-charged... which of course took FOREVER!!!!  and when it charged I took this lovely picture to show everyone my accomplishments
<----------------- see awesomeness!!!

So after I took the picture I sat down and I used my obnoxiously large knife to cut open my steak only to realize that... it was RAW in the middle... DAMNIT!!!!

So now that I have this lovely meal all set and now I have to Re-CoOK mt Steak... :(

So I re cooked my steak and it was deliciously perfect... just the way i like it.. STILL MOOING!!!!

SEE------------------------------->


Oh so tastey!!!

So that was my adventure in dinner this evening.... so I will sit and digest to the blissful sounds of South Park

I know I want kids. That is a 100% for sure. But in watching 18 kids an counting it makes me scared. What if by some freak genetic accident I either end up with like 25 kids or Michelle Duggar took all my baby mojo and I can't have kids. That would definetly suck.

Dreams

I had two very weird dreams last night... and I remember them this morning which is weird...

The first one I don't remember as clearly but I was a part of CSI (LOL) and all the characters were there, ray, greg, nick, cathrin, and me! We were driving around and I got in a really really horrible car accident... which freaked me out because I get a little jumpy about car accidents... and then when my car got fixed we all went out to breakfast, like they do on the show and then when my car got returned to me it was BRIGHT ORANGE and had no CD player... OH and Tiff's One Tree Hill CD was all cracked.

The second Dream was like I was at a college somewhere and Aaron was there and my roommate was apparently given the death sentence but we were still living in the same apartment... oh and my roommate wasn't Kyle it was someone else... and so the time came for him to be executed and his was by a gun shot to the head... and they lead him out into the school quad and EVERYONE from the school was there and they all were watching and the people on the bleachers were wearing ponchos to keep the blood off them..
So he put the gun up to his cheek bone, pointed at his brain and he pulled the trigger and the gun fired but he wasn't dead, he was still standing so he fired again... this time his skull like broke apart and flew off and all of his organs started to spit out (think alien like) it was weird... but apparently he wasn't dead because his friends were like WAIT he's not dead and they rushed forward and started ripping the veins outta his arms, because apparently that would kill him... I remember walking back to the dorm with Aaron and we had to be searched... it was weird....

Music....

I have missed music... I miss singing freely... joining those tones together to make a beautiful chord, playin with the chords to make them diminished, minors back to major its all so beautiful and peaceful...

at some point is ceased to be fun and thats when I left...

but I have definetly appreciated it. I love that I can hear chord changes and syncopation and can pick out a bas line and most of the time I can pick out the harmony... its almost magical... a secret language... I mean I'm no expert.. I went to HS with people who are becoming professional musicians and I will be a farmer! :D but I'm ok with that!!

So this afternoon I took a break from studying ( i really had to rip myself away) ;) but I turned up my music as loud s my laptop would allow and closed my eyes and listened! it was beautiful peaceful bliss... I love doing things like that...

call me weird but whatever... and OMG when The Bells of Notre Dame came on from the Hunchback of Notre Damn I cried... hearing those bells... it takes my breath away... ok had to listen to it again...

so beautiful...

ok so this 10 minute post was a side-note/ break... but I need to finish work so...

c ya later!!

My Saturday night...

This apparently is going to be a typical saturday night... this is how it looks..

Me... bored... its great...

I'm watching Dirty Jobs... It's fun... really...

Talking to Rachel! Talking to Rachel makes me want sushi!

I am so excited for Thanksgiving... I can't wait to eat yummy sushi and see my friends and go shopping!!

YAY!!!

This was my first lame dinner tonight! I'm usually a good cook but tonight sucked for some reason...

So here I sit... alone.. bored... watching my puppy sleep (ok it's Kyle's puppy but whatever...)

Ok y'all talk to you later... I'll probably post another one later... when I'm nor too distracted with Dirty Jobs! (YAY!!!)

New title!!

Ok my blog finally has a name... it took a while but I found it very fitting... its a two fold type thing but it fits...

Hate it? Love it? let me know!?

Abandoned

So I abandoned my 4-H week blog... YAY 4-H...

If you needed to know more about 4-H then just know its AWESOME but has some politics so you just gotta get with the right people!! YAY 4-H.. Happy National 4-H Week!!!'




So... oops wrong color any way soooo life is grand! I am enjoying Mo-town!! Maybe this weekend I shall photo-document my new digs!! Ok so updates

• Red Meat project due this week! eek!!
• First unit test!! EEK!!! Double EEK!!!

Party tonight! Yippee!!

Definetly ready for rain this week! y'all get it monday,... we get it tuesday morning... possible Monday night!

Ummmm... I don;'t know what else much is goin on...

If you guys have things you want me to write about leave me a comment and I shall investigate... maybe a movie will follow this evening!! YAY!!

ok y'all!

in honor of...

National 4-H week I have decided to blog about a different aspect of 4-H this week.. I'll start with the pledge and then finish with some other fun tidbits...

So lets just clarify for you Non- 4-H ers..

As I loyal 4-H member...
I pledge my head to clearer thinking
My heart to greater Loyalty
My hands for larger service
and my health for better living 
for my club, my community, my country and my world


so... I pledge my head to clearer thinking....


In the last couple years the thinking clearly thing has been harder and harder as the beurocracy of it all presses down on the fun you are having... but being in 4-H has taught me to believe that I can do it... I have learned to think the problem through, to look at the other side and to view not only your argument but the opposing side.

I pledge my head to clearer thinking... ok this was a hard place to start, harder than I thought... I think one of the more confusing parts of the pledge... I mean you can say it but to think that you pledge to think clearer...

I guess when you look at it as a bigger picture... as pledging to think not only in your  house but in your community and your country. When all the shit happens you need to look beyond yourself and figure out what is best for the group as a whole...

So today... think clearer.... put yourself in your neighbors shoes... and look for tomorrow... when we pledge....

our hearts to greater loyalty

Happy Surprises

I LOVE those happy surprises like finding $20 in your jeans pocket after the wash, or when you are walking and it starts raining or when that little girl with pigtails and ribbon in her hair waves at you out the back of a car window.

Today the form of a happy surprise came from an email and I quote:

"Ranch accident: not me, cows

No Class

B there next week

-Schnoor"

It was a wonderful thing!

But instead of crashing back asleep I have decided to pack up earlier adn go visit Eva and Derek!! YAY!!!

I havent seen them since.... JUNE!!! OMG!!! SINCE JUNE REALLY????? Yup so I am visiting them, then going home...

Who's wants to help with my red meat project... it should be fun!! we get to go grocery shopping without spending any money!! HAHAHAHA

Ok thats all

See ya soon!

A funny thing happened....

Ok so i went on a walk this evening... it was nice... I walked down by the irrigation canal and then back through the neighborhood... the second part of the walk took me WAAAAY longer than the first... can anyone guess why?

Its because I only had one shoe... my other shoe fell into the canal. The canal, for those of you who don't live in irrigated areas looks kinda like this...

Now you might be saying, Sarah, if the shoes were on your feet how did one wind up in the canal... well I will tell you...

So I'm walking along and I get a rock in my shoe... I cant stand rocks in my shoe... so I sat down and pulled of my shoe and thought I got the rock out. Now instead of putting that show back on my foot I set it down next to me... as I go to remove my ther shoe (with out untying it, like I've done since I was a kid) my elbow hits my right shoe and splash! into the canal it goes... I immedietly go SHIT! and grab a stick to try and fish for my shoe... this causes it to fill up with water and sink...

So I take off my socks and hoof it home... carrying 1 shoe...
Guess it's time for new walking shoes!

Myspace Middle School

Apparently we are all still in middle school... Top 8's apparently matter in the real world and a phone call is necessary to your BFF when your EX girlfriend removes you from her friends list. this is after you have slept with other girls and now you have to obsess about how your ex has other guys in their life... so what do you do to et back at her... of course put pictures of slutty girls on your myspace and try and make her jealous... oh yeah and since she is uber christian and hates that you use recreational drugs on occasion you take a hit off a bong adn cough for 30 minutes.

I LVOE being a grown up lol

AND PS- this post is not about me... its about my roommate!

for my haters... TAKE THAT

I spent years and all this time
thinking I was better off cuz you were mine
You always said it was your way or the highway
So I'm shiftin my life into drive
I'm getting out kissing the past good-bye
Like Toby said, "How do you like me now?"
This conversation has run dry
And I keep telling myself


ooooooo, ooooooo, ooooooo
There's more to me than you
ooooooo, ooooooo
Don't underestimate what I can do
Well I'm alright, it's okay
I know I'll make it through
Cuz there's more to me than you


I'm not saying I'm battered and bruised
but I might as well be with the words you used
I believe in myself, that makes me stronger
Things changed and so have I
I'm gonna make hay while the sun still shines
You can clip my wings, but I'm still gonna fly
I'm on my own and on my way
And I keep telling myself


There was always something that meant more to you than me
And I'm just sorry it's taking this for you to see


ooooooooo, ooooooo, oooooo
There's more to me than you


There's more to me than you

I know I made the right decision... but some funny things to consider

So it is allergy season in the valley... normally not a big deal but my body is getting use to new pollens...

When becoming an ag teacher here are somethings I maybe should have considered first:
1- I am allergic to Oat hay, alfalfa, grass hay, Timothy Hay and just about any other hay you would feed or bed animals on,... hahah

2- Dust also makes me have asthma attacks!

3- I am sensitive to the pollen from all the trees and crops growing...

so i didn't consider my respiratory system or my allergies before this but I'm having fun so who gives a crap if I have to sniffle and cough my way through it... although post-nasal drip is a bitch lol

COME VISIT ME!!!

Here's that feeling again... rearing it's ugly head and ruining my so-far almost perfect month. I knew I shouldn't do it I knew I should have just closed my eyes and went to sleep... but I didn't I followed up on some people like Rachel Teagle adn Aaron and Elise and there it was... hiding in a gingerbread video at http://teagblog.blogspot.com/

HOMESICKNESS

How I long for the happy times that were shown in the video and now I know how it feels to watch your babies grow up. There was Aly, so young... I think they had just moved here and little Ineke. She has grown up so much adn I've watched her do so many things that I knew she could do,

I miss the innocence of it all as well... for a brief moment nothing is wrong, all is well... then I look at my bank account or get the feeling i'm failing and that I'm never going to make it... I miss my friends. My family. I feel quite lonely here...

I've never been the outsider, except in those stupid games that Fe used to make up play at Leadership Overnight. But when you're at a party at your own house and you feel completely alone... that's an outsider... Or when you see pople at school who look familiar adn so you smile and wave adn say HEY! and they keep walking.. to involved in their conversation to care...

So what do I do... last time I gave up. I moved home. Not just because I was homesick but bcause I wasn't going down the right path. I really didn't want to be a nurse and I know that now. So what should do... I know I'm not giving up... I know I need to keep pushing forward... but how...

I guess I'll take the little steps... like going to an AG department Volleyball game, when I would usually go home or maybe staying after lab for the Ag Ambassador meeting even though I REALLY want ot go eat dinner and shower... I can do that.. cant I.

I knwo it sounds like a lot of bitching but, well I guess it is a lot of bitching... but OH well!

I miss everyone... Love you all and hope to see you soon... COME VISIT ME!!!

I wish...

You could go back in time and re- be nice to all those people you weren't so nice too.. Like this kid I used to TORMENT in middle school... we just bumped into each other and he's HOTT like HOTT HOTT HOTT.... so tragic...

That's the way with a lot of the little nasty nanky boyz in middle school... they get HOT and ugh... like really realy hott... grrr...

There that's the lesson be nice to those icky middle schoolers...

I can't believe I just said that.

Dear Santa

Can I please have a GIANT microbe for christmas... pretty pretty please

http://www.giantmicrobes.com/us/orderform.php

Check them out... you can get a stuffed STD model or how about a stuffed H1N1 for christmas.... presents anyone... you know who you are!! I smell christmas!

Lesson Learned...perhaps

ok I was feeling great today... got to talk to Elise over facebook videos, I placed a class of market hogs correctly. Eventhough it was like 104 today I had a very good day. So this afternoon I decide to watch a movie... when I saw said movie in theaters, at night, with Elise, I cried... full on sobbed... it scared the fucking crap out of me... no joke... So today when selecting what movie I was going to stream off of netflix I chose the he-who-shall-not-be-named of movies... NO NOt Harry Potter, QUARANTINE!!!

So I am watching it on my laptop... in the brightness of day... and it starts off a little less cary then I remember in that theater at midnight. So I keep watching... the blood doesnt creep me out... nor the idea of RABIES!!! until it gets closer to the end... In the duration of the last 25 mins of the movie, the climax, I had to stop the movie 5 times... had to make something, look at another website, do dishes, make some dinner... not because I had too OH NO I was scared shitless... AGAIN!!!

so todays lesson my friends... If the movie made you so scared the first time ya saw it that you almost literally shit yourself and you sobbed hysterically for a good 20 minutes... ya probably shouldn't watch it again...

Things I learned today

OK so I'm going to try to wrote something that I learn every day, boring right? WRONG! it may be boring and "book-wormy" or something full of Hilariousness...

Today while in my Public Speaking class I learned a few things
a) 4-H camp rocks and brings out the inner nerd in all of us
b) I am definetly normal on the people weirdness scale
c) this kid in my class wants to become an adult film writer and enjoys making up sex/porn names for everyone. i.e. Brittney Spears= Brittney Screamer and Ben Affleck= Ben asslick... and so on and so forth...

I also learned the color coding your binders and notebooks like you did in middle school actually helps... Swine science- Pink, Public speaking blue, etc.etc.

so with that I am off to cook some dinner, buy some school supplies at Wally-World and hit the hay, because even though it was only 2 classes School still tires me out.

AND.... I have a late class tomorrow so we will see what I learn then!!